CULTIVATING OUR GODDESS QUALITIES IN 2021

This entire blog, and for the most part, my entire existence, is all about how to cultivate my goddess qualities, strive for more goddess-esque actions and thoughts, and ultimately to become more goddess than woman. At the very least, I would love to strike a 50/50 balance (the name The Goddess Attainable succinctly encapsulates this exact idea). It’s a lofty goal, I know, but it’s what feels right for me.

I can’t imagine other women don’t feel the same. I see so many women out there, just rocking it, and I wonder what drives them.

What drives you, ladies? Are you driven by fear or insecurity? Or does something more universal and altruistic propel you forward? Do you realize how much you rock, or are you constantly feeling like you’re never enough? Do you struggle with your ego and with maintaining your humility? Or, are you honestly just trying to get through the day without flipping out?

[Several minutes ago, I was constructing my next paragraph, rambling on about my style of supporting females, which is more of a tough love, tell-it-like-it-is, hold women accountable, lovingly critical kind of style. And, searching for validation and confirmation, I then called upon the goddesses (by pulling a card from Colette Baron-Reid’s Goddess Power Oracle Deck), hoping one them would agree with me, tell me I was perfect and amazing, and encourage me to continue on “supporting” women through my default tough love approach. I think there was a part of me that sensed this wasn’t the most constructive paragraph to write, and that’s why I turned to the goddesses for reassurance. However, instead of validating my feelings, I received a humbling invitation to grow, right in front of you all, just moments ago. You are my witnesses! Here is who came forth…]

Empowerment Message from the Goddess Power Oracle guidebook: The Greek goddess Hera, wife of Zeus, knew immediately that positive alliances lead to great power. At this moment, you’re magnetized to receive aid from people who have greater wisdom and can help you to the next level…Making connections with others and finding strategic partnerships are favored right now as you explore the nature of becoming empowered by association…Right now, Hera is supporting you to form beneficial alliances for the greater good of all. When called to action or faced with a decision, ask “How does this benefit me and how can I serve the highest good as a result of this connection?”

Firstly, it appears very plain to me that my harsh attitude of holding women accountable and feeling justified in lovingly critiquing them (even if it’s in the name of good), puts me on a lonely mountaintop, above all the rest, wrapped in a bit of self-righteous ego, and blind to growth opportunities, friendships, and connections. Alliances, as Hera is inviting me to pay attention to, are formed on the ground, together, as we all lean on one other, our imperfections celebrated, unconditionally accepted, and openly allowed.

Also, synchronistically, for the very first time, I was a guest blogger for another goddess, lifewithlilred, and her post with my article literally dropped this morning (2/3/21)! I am so appreciative of her generosity and her openness to form an alliance with a random stranger like me. Now, Hera showing up to validate that collaborative connection (as well as to invalidate my fleeting desire to police, critique, and monitor other goddesses) is so reflective of the divine timing of this truly enlightening moment. Thank you, Hera, for stopping me in my tracks and redirecting my thoughts and motivations.

Experiencing goddess energy is often delightfully uncanny and always powerful. I am humbled by the goddesses wisdom every time I reach for them, and just when I think I’m the worst person ever and deserve a scolding, they surprise me with their unconditional and gentle love. They always give me what I need, and in this moment, I needed some humility and perspective.

lifewithlilred wrote the loveliest introduction about me on her blog, and made me feel so supported and connected.

From this beautiful and vulnerable vantage point, how about I begin my list of ideas about how to cultivate our goddess qualities in 2021?

SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN

I will get this one out of the way first and say that I believe I need some help with this one. Sometimes, I think I know what’s best when it comes to supporting other women, but I obviously don’t always make the mark.

“Goddesses, can you guide me in this area of my life and show me the way? I want to be a goddess when it comes to supporting other women, and I just don’t quite know how yet. Thank you.”

-My prayer just now to The Goddesses

Image found on pinterest, posted by Lisa Sanchez-Holmes, with the caption: “Humility is simply the ability to acknowledge the truth about ourselves” | “La humildad es simplemente la habilidad de reconocer la verdad sobre nosotros mismos” ~ Eugene Pascal. Image by Dorina Costras

ACCEPT FLAWS WITH HUMOR AND LOVE

There was a time when I would have curled in upon myself, transforming into a shame-filled ball of disgust for having a realization about an area in my life that needed some work. But over time, this shame has faded, and in its place is a more self-love oriented acceptance.

I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is to really and truly celebrate the ways in which we rock. We must do this for ourselves if we are to reach goddess status. And this is really the best tool for combatting negative self-talk and unloving self-thought. So, when the world shines a spotlight on our flaws, we won’t crumble into a stale and fragile hate cake. But instead, we can think about all the things that make us great, in order to kind of comfort the blow of realizing the parts of ourselves that are less than great.

We can’t grow if we don’t accept our flaws, and it’s really difficult to accept our flaws if we can’t love all of the other beautiful parts of ourselves. If we work on self-love at all times, this will arm and protect us when the truth about ourselves knocks us over. We might still fall to the ground, but it won’t hurt nearly as much.

Image obtained from here.

HAVE PATIENCE

This is another one I’m still working on, and have been working on for a very long time. This one does not come naturally to me, and I often even forget that it’s an option to be patient in any given moment. That’s how far patience is from my realm of being. But, it’s on my radar, and I really, really want to have more of this.

Patience is a redeeming quality in any human, so what makes this so goddess-specific?

When I think about what makes a goddess a goddess, I think of two qualities: LOVE and WISDOM. And if I think about ways in which these two energies are expressed, I believe both require patience.

A loving person takes a breath before they speak when they are being challenged by another. A loving person takes the time to allow others to be who they are without rushing their growth and progress. A loving person knows how to love herself and does not move faster than she is comfortable. A loving person takes time and care to create and share with others in a thoughtful way.

When I think of wisdom, I again think of taking a breath before speaking. A wise person chooses her words carefully and doesn’t rush her expression.

I also think there are certain kinds of wisdom that can only come from time. Time spent on earth, time with a certain person, time engaging in certain experiences. None of that can be rushed. It just has to be lived by the clock of The Universe, and wisdom is the gift that is generated by the path of patience.

Image obtained from here.

HOLD MEN ACCOUNTABLE

Let me start by saying that this point is not an attack on men at all. I adore the male species, and don’t really advocate for any kind of aggression towards men. However, I do think things get really complicated when women (and men) do not hold men accountable for their hurtful actions. Men often get a pass (or multiple passes) for bad behavior, because many women are too afraid to speak up, understandably.

Of course, the same can be true in reverse, but I don’t really think men not holding women accountable for their hurtful actions is a problem in our society at the moment, so I’m noting this truth, but don’t feel the need to expand on this.

I speak from personal experience when I say that it’s very common for women to endure hurtful behavior, particularly when it comes to matters of intimacy and respect (respect in relationships, in the workplace, walking down the street, etc.), without ever holding men accountable for inappropriate or unfair treatment.

In some cases, men are genuinely unaware of their bad behavior, and appreciate being called out on it. But in many cases, men are perfectly aware of their low-or-nonexistent-integrity-driven actions, but have never been called out on it, have never faced any consequences, and therefore, just continue to do and say whatever they want.

It takes a truly brave goddess to speak up in these moments when we feel we have been mistreated or disrespected, and on a deeper level, it takes time and experience to even realize the negative treatment. For many years, I would blame myself and unquestioningly agree with negative male attention, comments, behavior, etc. I always thought, “Of course this is my fault, why else would they be pointing it out or behaving this way?” It took a lot of frustration and self-love to get to a point where I finally realized and then acted in my own defense, to say, “Hey, wait just one minute, I don’t think so, and here’s why.”

When a woman calls a man out on his bad behavior, men can respond in all kinds of ways. They can be aggressive, defensive, hurtful, dismissive, disrespectful, demeaning, and many other terrible adjectives. But, I call upon all females to muster the courage to speak up and give men an opportunity to grow. Many, many men will also react to your self-respecting comments with reflection, sensitivity, genuine concern, horror and humiliation, and intense interest in correcting their behavior.

The good men love when you hold them accountable for their actions, so give it a try, and let’s stick together on this one. If you see another woman attempting to hold a man accountable for his actions, jump in and back her up!

Album art for Destiny’s Child – Survivor

COMMUNICATE NEEDS CLEARLY AND UNEMOTIONALLY

This one gets easier the more you do it. Again, much of the challenge with this one is recognizing it in the first place. We can sometimes get in cycles where we assume that everyone, even and especially those closest to us, knows what we need. We can enter into really destructive dialogues in our head, hurt and resentful about this or that, when we never even spoke up about our needs in the first place.

Don’t assume that people know what you need. You might not know what you need in any given moment, so how can you expect those around you to be aware? Get used to pinpointing your needs when you are feeling off, or icky, or shitty (all technical terms). Let those moods be a cue that you may not be getting some of your needs met in a relationship (intimate, friendship, family, work), and that you may have to speak up.

Once you become aware of a specific need, it’s really important to communicate that need in a really neutral and calm way. Dumping your emotions onto someone, even if you are an emotional wreck (which is okay), is not necessarily going to elicit as much support as if you express your needs to someone from a place of openness and respect for the other person. There is no need to be defensive, and no need to walk into a discussion assuming that your vulnerability will not be well received.

If you are in a crazy emotional place, perhaps take a few breaths to calm down before you open your mouth. And if that’s just not possible (I’ve been there, often, and regularly, and that’s okay), then do your best to at least express yourself clearly. Curate your thoughts, even if they are laced with high emotions, and get directly to the point. There is a big difference between saying…

“I had a terrible day at work and am in the worst mood ever. I just feel like shit. People suck and are insensitive, and no one ever treats me with kindness. I just wish people would be nice to me!”

and

“I had a terrible day at work and am in the worst mood ever. Can you come here and just give me a hug?”

Give this a try and don’t give up. It can be awkward at first finding the perfect words and communicating them to another in the best way. People also have different communication styles, so you may have to adjust on a case by case basis. However, this is important, for your self-worth and for your growth as a goddess, so keep doing this and you will soon become an expert, for real.

Throat chakra art, obtained from here.

STOP TOLERATING BULLSHIT AT WORK

If you haven’t already, please consider reading my post about FINDING PEACE AT WORK where I talk a lot about this topic of bullshit at work and learning not to tolerate it.

We as goddesses-in-the-making have so much we want to accomplish during our time here on Earth. We want to love, and create, and learn, and grow, and share, and evolve, and give, and receive, and experience joy, and heal, and find adventure, and shine in the world. And with all of this on our existential plate, we still have to go to work every day (most of us, anyway).

At the very least, we spend 40 of our 168 hours of every week (56 of these 168 hours we are unconsciously asleep, so really we are left with about 72 hours of non-work time), devoting ourselves to our employer. If we are putting up with bullshit during this 40+ hour work window, it can really zap us and minimize the energy we have to spend on the stuff that truly matters to us, the stuff that keeps our passionate hearts pumping.

Night Goddess by Ed Org. Image obtained from here. I am in love with this drawing, and to me, this goddess looks like someone who would definitely not put up with any bullshit at work. Right?!

Below is my list of some of the qualities that characterize a positive work environment. I know many of my fellow goddesses, at times, have not even been able to fathom that a positive work experience was even possible. Some may believe their worth is contingent upon the amount of suffering they endure at work, or perhaps, they just don’t love themselves enough to expect more from their employer. These are all understandable attitudes, and women have been historically mistreated in the workplace for countless decades. We are in much need of collective goddess healing in this area of life.

These self-defeating beliefs are simply false, and finding a positive, nurturing, fun, and supportive work environment that celebrates YOU is completely possible. It will most likely not fall into your lap, however, and you must keep your standards high until you finally land in a place that feels wonderful. Believe you are worth it! And if you are having trouble believing, just ask the goddesses to give you confidence in this area of your life (through prayer or other means).

qualities that characterize a positive work environment

• You enjoy the actual tasks that you perform daily and your work, at least to some degree, inspires and interests you.
• You are getting paid what you believe you deserve (if you don’t know or underestimate what you deserve, look around at your comparable colleagues, both male and female, and see if you can determine their salaries). If you aren’t getting paid what you deserve, your boss is at least working with you to get you where you want to be. (PS. You will almost never be offered a pay increase without advocating for it, not because you don’t deserve it, but it’s just kind of the way it is. You must find the courage to ask. Men do it all the time! And you won’t get fired for asking for a raise.)
• You feel comfortable and secure with your boss and know that this person has your back. They have thus far never let you down or betrayed your trust.
• Your co-workers and colleagues are mature, non-drama human beings who avoid gossip and negative talk about others. (You can’t always avoid this trait in colleagues, but you can certainly choose to stay out of those conversations, remain neutral, and avoid the drama. If you choose to jump in, then that’s on you for creating needless drama for yourself!)
• Everyone treats you with respect (no one talks over you, no one demeans you, no one undermines you, no power plays or manipulation), and you feel safe to express your own viewpoints, knowing that your voice will be heard and considered.
• Your employer has healthy boundaries and expectations and does not ever pressure you to do more than you can handle. (For this one, you have to speak up as well. Your boss will always give you work to do, especially if you’re good at it, but if you’re a ball of anxiety, doing four people’s jobs, you must let your boss know and ask for relief. And your boss must grant it without question. You’re a person, not a machine.)
• When you have problems, questions, or issues, especially when it comes to problematic co-workers (people are people and there will always be some difficult personalities in the work place), you can go to your employer at any time (they make time for you) and they work with you and others to resolve any conflicts.

There are more qualities of course, but this gives you an idea. No bullshit at work. You are a goddess and you just don’t have time for any of that crap. Life is too short and you need your employer to be a part of your growth journey, not working against it. Your work family is a soul family, whether you want them to be or not (just like real family!), and you all have much to learn from each other at work. But let this learning be of the healing variety, and not the harming kind. You are worth it, so please consider finding another job if your current job is not reflective of the points above.

Image obtained from here.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I don’t presume to know what goes on in a true goddess’s heart and mind. Gosh, I would love to know. All I can do is strive for what I think is right, and through trial and error, come to a place of greater alignment with what I believe is goddess energy.

I’m so thankful for my humble awakening earlier in this post, and so grateful to Hera for showing up for me today.

What are the ways in which you access your inner goddess? What do you see in other goddesses/women/females/heroes that makes you want to strive for the same? What are you currently aspiring to?

I would love to hear from you! As Hera reminded me today, alliances are powerful, and I really can’t do this all by myself. I need you on my path, and I want to learn from you as well.

I look forward to hearing from you and wish you all a beautiful week!

xo,